Trying to find a new way of inspiration...

How to make art when you only see numbers anywhere?
How to understand people when you just wanna be understood?

Normally when I want to write something but it is so cruelly difficult just to order the many ideas that I have inside. The tons of things I want to do with the little information I have about then, so this problem combined with my lack of orthography and expressionism is a very big crash of words that nobody, except by me, understands.

So now, I want to improvise a kind of history about nothing in special but i think rich in imagination.

----------------- My Land -----------------

Every day I wake, I go to school and say bye to my parents. Every day my parents just look at me going away waving their hands. Everyday I dream about me going away very far from Home. But instantly I miss the smell of the house, my mother's words, my sweet sweet bed and the confidence I have with the Earth that has raise me and forgive me for touching Her without any shoes.

Everytime the white people comes into my village I feel sorry for them, because I know that nothing will change unless WE change. And that is a heavy work for the hands of a little kid. That is why the only miracle I have seen is the rice that grows in the fields. I feel older as them, but bigger inside. They grow with me and they are my brothers.

Forgive me again Mother Earth because I have no shoes to walk with above you, but at least in this way I feel safer, I can feel you very close to me every time and every day.

A very short description of my Real Life

When I am confuse I need to draw a diagram or picture just to get a clear view of where I am going, if there is some direction for a confused little girl. The "?" symbol is the breakpoint to see the after and before of a lifetime. I am not very sure if the "after" part is going to exist as in this diagram but at least it exist in this draw, and probably, I am not drawing my life but someone else's life. Anyway, I admire that person.

Poemas

Poemas que me hacen sentir viva.

Al escribir esto me siento un poco avergonzada por que la persona que me lo enseñó es una chica muy especial a la que no he vuelto a ver desde hace ya tres años casi. Ella me acogió en España como a una amiga de toda la vida cuando yo recién llegaba de Sur América y me ofreció su hogar como si fuera el mio. Me enseñó las bondades del té al anochecer y la calidez de la música del piano a la luz de la luna. Me demostró que no hace falta espacio para tener grandes cosas dentro de una casa y que la vida es mejor con la luz de una vela al lado de la cama y la foto de las sonrisas de muchos niños en la pared. Me siento muy feliz de haberla conocido.


Roberto Juarroz

Buscar una cosa
es siempre encontrar otra
Así, para hallar algo,
hay que buscar lo que no es.

Buscar al pájaro para encontrar a la rosa,
buscar al amor para hallar el exilio,
buscar la nada para descubrir un hombre,
ir hacia atrás para ir hacia delante.

La clave del camino,
más que en sus bifurcaciones,
su sospechoso comienzo
o su dudoso final,
está en el cáustico humor
de su doble sentido.

Siempre se llega
pero a otra parte.

Todo pasa
pero a la inversa.

Constance

Ideas are worst than facts. They are a trigger in our minds that only need something that activates them. I usually prefer to call them my natural enemies and best friends. Depending of what kind they are they can give me the most incredible delicious and passionated pleasures or ... they just can take out my breath in a second, and actually, they do. Fears are part of that wierd mass of bad ideas as a part of a descompensation of chemical components in your brain... But I still can not controll my manners when they come to me. I am incredibly susceptible in that way. One of the greatest cures of our days are the antidepresive pills. What could be of our generation with out them ... ? Sadly I can tell they are saving one part of our humanity that we desperetly need ... tranquility...mental stability...happiness?
So, instead of writting this piece of nonsense, should I go running to the drugstore and buy more pills...or should I buy a lipstick instead? what do you think?

...........
(Now you are thinking ... "this guy must be so depressed" and this is me thinking: "Got You ;)" you thinking: "Now this guys thinks what I'm thinkin!!" and me thinking: "...sorry, i am not going to mess up with your head again..bye..:)")

Yo y alguien mas (me and someone else)

Growing fast

Growing fast
Again one year more, more experiences, more friends, more books to read, more time to live and to share it my people. This year started in a bad way, we already have noticed that we'll have to work a lot for that thing we want. As usual, alone in a war that exists between so many
wars.

Since everything is going so fast and everything is going bad I am going to declare that the lost of patience of the people is because of the lack of results. The high expectations that we may have are constantly rejected and normally the reaction to deception is impatience and hate.

People normally grow up in a normal and constant way , should I say normal people, but because of this hate and resentment that some of us would have, we are impulsed to grow and make difficult decisions and suffer their consecuenses.

I can understand hate and anger, but, I can not understand why people give a fucking shit when there is someone that needs them.

(here is an uncomplete paragraph of my first entry this year...and yes, i am still mad about almost everything)