The light was shining on my books, which no longer could see more. The fire was already on my eyes could not mourn anymore. My heart was a thousand
per hour when the whole night I was quiet in a corner. The feeling of fear and sweat in the back when I invaded lost consciousness.
Everything became black again.
The light was shining on my books, the fire in my eyes, my legs no longer tremble and clear ideas for the first time. My mind was never able to be so awake.
I set my hands in my reflection, my shadow and my feet to make sure that person who had been awakened from this dream / nightmare was really me. I tried to recall memories of my childhood, my first steps, the laughs of my brother, my mother's kisses, my father ...my first ride in a bike, the time I fell from a tree, my first kiss, my diploma, my children, my husband, my grandchildren, the love of my life, my death and my resurrection. Everything came to me. Everything came to me and everything was gone.
Again alone among these four walls with a halogen light and writing letters to a lost soul that will never exist.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Noches de placer
De nuevo escribiendo por las noches, esperando a que la inspiración me venga de algún sitio. Esperando tener las ideas claras cuando lo que realmente termino haciendo es despertar medio mareada y viendolo todo cada vez mas confuso. No hay duda que mi vida es un laberinto y que cada vez que estoy por dar con la salida, se cruza en medio un muro.
El amanecer trae un viento fresco y ese aire nuevo que respiro cada mañana me da el aliento que necesito para seguir... eso y una taza de cafe me sirven para darle la vuelta al mundo, una y mil veces mas...total...¿que mas me falta por ver? Yo solo quiero ver un amanecer mas pero desde esos tus ojos que se extienden a los mios y desde esa tu boca poder saborear mi café.
El amanecer trae un viento fresco y ese aire nuevo que respiro cada mañana me da el aliento que necesito para seguir... eso y una taza de cafe me sirven para darle la vuelta al mundo, una y mil veces mas...total...¿que mas me falta por ver? Yo solo quiero ver un amanecer mas pero desde esos tus ojos que se extienden a los mios y desde esa tu boca poder saborear mi café.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Aprende a volar de Patricia Sosa
Gracias a una amiga que admiro mucho...ella y sus poemas. Aqui uno de su coleccion :)....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnHEzfI3fR4
"Aprende a volar"
Duro es el camino y se que no es facil
no se si habrá tiempo para descansar
en esta aventura de amor y coraje
solo hay que cerrar los ojos y echarse a volar
y cuando el corazon galope fuerte, déjalo salir
no existe la razon que venza la pasión, las ganas de reir
Puedes creer, puedes soñar
abre tus alas, aqui esta tu libertad
y no pierdas tiempo, escucha al viento
canta por lo que vendrá
no es tan dificil que aprendas a volar
No pierdas la fe, no pierdas la calma
aunque a veces este mundo no pide perdon
grita aunque te duela, llora si hace falta
limpia las heridas que cura el amor
y cuando el corazon galope fuerte, déjalo salir
no existe la razon que venza la pasion, las ganas de reir
Puedes creer, puedes soñar...
Y no apures el camino, al fin todo llegará
cada luz, cada mañana, todo espera en su lugar
Puedes creer,puedes soñar...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnHEzfI3fR4
"Aprende a volar"
Duro es el camino y se que no es facil
no se si habrá tiempo para descansar
en esta aventura de amor y coraje
solo hay que cerrar los ojos y echarse a volar
y cuando el corazon galope fuerte, déjalo salir
no existe la razon que venza la pasión, las ganas de reir
Puedes creer, puedes soñar
abre tus alas, aqui esta tu libertad
y no pierdas tiempo, escucha al viento
canta por lo que vendrá
no es tan dificil que aprendas a volar
No pierdas la fe, no pierdas la calma
aunque a veces este mundo no pide perdon
grita aunque te duela, llora si hace falta
limpia las heridas que cura el amor
y cuando el corazon galope fuerte, déjalo salir
no existe la razon que venza la pasion, las ganas de reir
Puedes creer, puedes soñar...
Y no apures el camino, al fin todo llegará
cada luz, cada mañana, todo espera en su lugar
Puedes creer,puedes soñar...
Monday, September 22, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
The circle of life
First day, You born, you scream, you are cover with your mother's blood.
Second day, your grow, you live with your parents, you have a nice beautifull girlfriend and cool friends to play with.
Third day, you are single, you are in a party trying to meet new people and having fun.
Fourth day, you wake up, you are married with a nice woman living in nice little apartment with no time to go to parties and hardly meet your old friends.
Fifth day, you wake up, read the newspaper, take a coffe, go to work, work, come home, kiss the kids good nigth, go to sleep.
Sixth day, you wake up, watch the news, read a book, call your son, ask for his family, read a book, take a walk, go to sleep.
Seventh day, you don't wake up.... ;-)
........
Second day, your grow, you live with your parents, you have a nice beautifull girlfriend and cool friends to play with.
Third day, you are single, you are in a party trying to meet new people and having fun.
Fourth day, you wake up, you are married with a nice woman living in nice little apartment with no time to go to parties and hardly meet your old friends.
Fifth day, you wake up, read the newspaper, take a coffe, go to work, work, come home, kiss the kids good nigth, go to sleep.
Sixth day, you wake up, watch the news, read a book, call your son, ask for his family, read a book, take a walk, go to sleep.
Seventh day, you don't wake up.... ;-)
........
Monday, August 04, 2008
Confusión
De ahora en adelante usaré el español como lengua en este blog. El proyecto de usar el inglés casi que es inutil ahora que decidido mi destino para los próximos 6 años. Así que ahora perseguimos nuevos objetivos y por lo tanto nos comunicacmos en diferentes lenguas. Es aqui cuando les digo en qué consiste mi plan y creo que básicamente se puede resumir en una sola línea:
QUEDARME EXACTAMENTE DONDE ESTOY.
¿Por qué moverme? ¿Por qué volar, como lo hice alguna vez, en otra dirección? ¿Por qué pensar en que la felicidad se encuentra en otro lado? ¿Por qué pensar que las personas que más amaré en mi vida no están conmigo? ¿Por qué no creer que lo que tengo ahora mismo es lo mas precioso que tendré siempre?
Estoy aqui y aquí me quedo.
Estoy aquí y aqui vivo.
Estoy aquí y aqui lucharé por lo que quiero.
Estoy aquí y aqui estaré para ti.
Estoy aqui y te espero.
Estoy aqui y no quiero que vengas por mi, si no por querer estar conmigo.
Estoy aqui y no me siento sola.
Sin embargo......pero........tal vez ........ quizás............
........no me quede para siempre............estoy aqui pero mi mente está en otra parte y mi corazon en todas partes menos dentro de mi.
QUEDARME EXACTAMENTE DONDE ESTOY.
¿Por qué moverme? ¿Por qué volar, como lo hice alguna vez, en otra dirección? ¿Por qué pensar en que la felicidad se encuentra en otro lado? ¿Por qué pensar que las personas que más amaré en mi vida no están conmigo? ¿Por qué no creer que lo que tengo ahora mismo es lo mas precioso que tendré siempre?
Estoy aqui y aquí me quedo.
Estoy aquí y aqui vivo.
Estoy aquí y aqui lucharé por lo que quiero.
Estoy aquí y aqui estaré para ti.
Estoy aqui y te espero.
Estoy aqui y no quiero que vengas por mi, si no por querer estar conmigo.
Estoy aqui y no me siento sola.
Sin embargo......pero........tal vez ........ quizás............
........no me quede para siempre............estoy aqui pero mi mente está en otra parte y mi corazon en todas partes menos dentro de mi.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Family values
Unity
Joy
Optimism
Comprehension
Generosity
Honesty
Humility
Desire to helping others
Desire to be better
Desire to be a good person
The love for life
The love you gave me...and give me :)
Friday, March 14, 2008
My First "Things to Do Before I Died" List
1.- Re-invent the "Happy Birthday Song" in Perú.
2.- Begin a silly familiar tradition that will continue generation to generation until they forget the person that created that tradition.
3.- Write a tree, plant a child and have a book.
4.- Make a world trip in one year and make a lifetime friendship in every country.
5.- Meet the love of my life and form a family with him.
6.- Learn german, chinese, swedish, english and french as a second lenguage.
7.- Change someone's life.
8.- Invent a new word and make the put it in the dictionary.
9.- Read 100 books (or more).
10.- Be a happy human being and make someone happy 0:)
2.- Begin a silly familiar tradition that will continue generation to generation until they forget the person that created that tradition.
3.- Write a tree, plant a child and have a book.
4.- Make a world trip in one year and make a lifetime friendship in every country.
5.- Meet the love of my life and form a family with him.
6.- Learn german, chinese, swedish, english and french as a second lenguage.
7.- Change someone's life.
8.- Invent a new word and make the put it in the dictionary.
9.- Read 100 books (or more).
10.- Be a happy human being and make someone happy 0:)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Talking to my shadow
Walking down the street at midnight I found myself alone...looking around i saw some people but i couldn't hear their voices...some how i realized that near the corner there was someone waiting for something, just looking to the ground with a faraway look. I turned right and I saw this person's shadow very close to mine, as if we were walking together, his hands moving very quickly and his legs moving fast too, seconds later he said...-Forgive me for the time that has passed, it will never happend again, and don't kill with that cold look you have like the last time. This time, it will be better but please, forgive me...-
Now I remember...all those bad memories and of course all the good ones. I remembered his bright eyes, the first song he composed, that poem he wrote, those long walkings in the forest, the day we danced in the rain, those piano lessons, those library kisses, the day we got lost in the middle of London, those surrealistic conversations, that chaotic live we had going from bar to bar every night, that day at his father's funeral, the day he cried for the first time in front of me, that laughs in the train going to the beach, those nights in the beach, the number of stars we counted that night, that list of crazy things to do written in my diary...his hair, his eyes, his mouth, his hands, the day we broke up...and our first reconcilation...
My heart started to beat harder, my brain was paralized, one second later, i had thought in a million words to say...
Two seconds later i was looking at him again, 2 years later, with nothing to say...after all the things i have done...
Finally, i reacted with an "I forgive you"...
It was April 22nd the next morning, I woke up and I had this bad feeling, i don't know if it was the headache or the lack of caffeine in my blood but i had the feeling that something was not going very well.
What would mean his return? better or worst time for us? The answers came very quickly...I'm less naive now.
Now I remember...all those bad memories and of course all the good ones. I remembered his bright eyes, the first song he composed, that poem he wrote, those long walkings in the forest, the day we danced in the rain, those piano lessons, those library kisses, the day we got lost in the middle of London, those surrealistic conversations, that chaotic live we had going from bar to bar every night, that day at his father's funeral, the day he cried for the first time in front of me, that laughs in the train going to the beach, those nights in the beach, the number of stars we counted that night, that list of crazy things to do written in my diary...his hair, his eyes, his mouth, his hands, the day we broke up...and our first reconcilation...
My heart started to beat harder, my brain was paralized, one second later, i had thought in a million words to say...
Two seconds later i was looking at him again, 2 years later, with nothing to say...after all the things i have done...
Finally, i reacted with an "I forgive you"...
It was April 22nd the next morning, I woke up and I had this bad feeling, i don't know if it was the headache or the lack of caffeine in my blood but i had the feeling that something was not going very well.
What would mean his return? better or worst time for us? The answers came very quickly...I'm less naive now.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Life...just a thread in a thing called Universe
I'm about to start working in a program with threads, Very complicated for me, so I started to read about the theory of Threading, processes, operative systems, etc. 20 minutes later, still didn't understand it, well, finally i went to get a coffee and... exactly when I was making it...click!, I thought..."but Life is just another thread". Now you say, "What?"...ok, i know it's pretty difficult to understand it now, but here is a breve explanation :) :
At the beginning, i thought that humans are like very short process, each of us work by our own and we ask for a quantity of time, what we usually called "lifetime" and then, when it's over, there comes another one, but it doesn't belong to us, it's from another process, I mean, human, another lifetime. So there is humanity, there is the universe, giving each of us a quantity of time, like a very big complex and powerful CPU, time enough to make something, to make a task, to produce or just make some time like a sleep() or just another job in a complex system. When a process "forks" it becomes a father...then the children makes another task using his parent's variables, and has to play with the same rules than the father, but this children has another task, and...well..anyway, let's just make it to the point :P hehe ;)....
But no!!! A Human life is a thread in the Universe...Which is one of the differences between threads and process? Threads share global variables. They have to communicate with each other. People have to communicate with each other! People is connected somehow. We are not just individual hosts in the universe...we are a network instead...we are all connected by information or variables that we can or can not control.
The book I read said exactly: "The global variables of the parent program in a thread environment are shared by all threads, and serve as the main method of communication between the threads, but each thread has its own local variables, just as is the case for process"
The conclusion is that Humans are connected by the same global variables managed by a main big System/Process (God? Destiny?You?) we decided over the our own local variables, but we have a random lifetime and we walk through life like we live in parallel worlds. Your life is "parallel" to mine although what you do can affect mine (or the complete System).
I thing i got the idea...ah? ;)
At the beginning, i thought that humans are like very short process, each of us work by our own and we ask for a quantity of time, what we usually called "lifetime" and then, when it's over, there comes another one, but it doesn't belong to us, it's from another process, I mean, human, another lifetime. So there is humanity, there is the universe, giving each of us a quantity of time, like a very big complex and powerful CPU, time enough to make something, to make a task, to produce or just make some time like a sleep() or just another job in a complex system. When a process "forks" it becomes a father...then the children makes another task using his parent's variables, and has to play with the same rules than the father, but this children has another task, and...well..anyway, let's just make it to the point :P hehe ;)....
But no!!! A Human life is a thread in the Universe...Which is one of the differences between threads and process? Threads share global variables. They have to communicate with each other. People have to communicate with each other! People is connected somehow. We are not just individual hosts in the universe...we are a network instead...we are all connected by information or variables that we can or can not control.
The book I read said exactly: "The global variables of the parent program in a thread environment are shared by all threads, and serve as the main method of communication between the threads, but each thread has its own local variables, just as is the case for process"
The conclusion is that Humans are connected by the same global variables managed by a main big System/Process (God? Destiny?You?) we decided over the our own local variables, but we have a random lifetime and we walk through life like we live in parallel worlds. Your life is "parallel" to mine although what you do can affect mine (or the complete System).
I thing i got the idea...ah? ;)
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
How-to-survive being Schizophrenic, paranoic, maniac and apprehensive
1) Do not recognize it...Never!
2) Show some enthusiasm about it!! Having so much mental illness makes you special :))
3) Try to connect with your other personalities, make them chat with each other. Just to relax the tension between them. Something like:...
"Hi! I'm the shy personality, sorry i stutter, i'm afraid of people...glup..:S"
"Nice to meet you!!, I'm the winner one, i know you can defeat that, just make an effort!! :D and who are you?"
"hehe, I'm the egocentric personality!! I'm dying to tell all about my day...sit! sit! you are about to get a lot of information about me:))"
4) Avoid long terms of sleeping, only when you dream is when you are not very sure about reality the next day, it can get you to confusions.
5) You need an adiction. Just to distract your mind a bit. Something like work or tv are not so good...for this, try to do more exercises, sex for example.
6) Avoid going out on Sundays. Normally on Sundays is when normal people go out the most, so, if you join them, probably your "personal characteristics" will appear more than usual and it will make you feel not so good.
7) Take a lot of coffee. Hummm... i don't know why, but only because it's delicious. ;)
8) Try to travel more. Change cultures, change countries, languages. That will make you feel mind opened so probably your mind will be distracted from your "personality defects".
9) Make a blog and transform reality into a bunch of sentences processed by your complicated mind.
2) Show some enthusiasm about it!! Having so much mental illness makes you special :))
3) Try to connect with your other personalities, make them chat with each other. Just to relax the tension between them. Something like:...
"Hi! I'm the shy personality, sorry i stutter, i'm afraid of people...glup..:S"
"Nice to meet you!!, I'm the winner one, i know you can defeat that, just make an effort!! :D and who are you?"
"hehe, I'm the egocentric personality!! I'm dying to tell all about my day...sit! sit! you are about to get a lot of information about me:))"
4) Avoid long terms of sleeping, only when you dream is when you are not very sure about reality the next day, it can get you to confusions.
5) You need an adiction. Just to distract your mind a bit. Something like work or tv are not so good...for this, try to do more exercises, sex for example.
6) Avoid going out on Sundays. Normally on Sundays is when normal people go out the most, so, if you join them, probably your "personal characteristics" will appear more than usual and it will make you feel not so good.
7) Take a lot of coffee. Hummm... i don't know why, but only because it's delicious. ;)
8) Try to travel more. Change cultures, change countries, languages. That will make you feel mind opened so probably your mind will be distracted from your "personality defects".
9) Make a blog and transform reality into a bunch of sentences processed by your complicated mind.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
I wanna be a hippie!! ...like you...
"I loved it!"- he said while he was eating-"I loved to be there, people was so pasionate, at least for me, it's another world!". We were comparing two worlds, but accidently I found out that he lived 2 years in Paraguay and 7 months in Colombia last year-"I went to Ecuador but i didn't like it as much as Colombia...I can recognize a colombian from an ecuatorian just by seeing them 2 seconds, colombians are happier" he said smiling to me. Me thinking: "I don't believe it!" Me talking aloud: "I wanna be a hippie like you!!" ... We laugh and started to eat. That day it was gonna be a very hard working day :S but I was hippy....sorry happy :P.Thursday, February 21, 2008
Harder, better, faster, stronger!!!
"Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"
Work It
Make It
Do It
Makes Us
Harder
Better
Faster
Stronger
More Than
Hour
Our
Never
Ever
After
Work is
Over [x2]
Work It Harder Make It Better
Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger
More Than Ever Hour After
Our Work Is Never Over
Work It
Make It
Do It
Makes Us
Harder
Better
Faster
Stronger
More Than
Hour
Our
Never
Ever
After
Work is
Over [x2]
Work It Harder Make It Better
Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger
More Than Ever Hour After
Our Work Is Never Over
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Laughs from Destiny....
Finally tonight someone asked for results after a long time ago...
I was very tired, i was sleeping at my bed... very calm ...so quite, finally some peace through the day... But 5 minutes later...my eyes wide open again...the cellphone started to ring...
you were breathing very hard and then you asked if I was with him..
I said..."Of course...but he's not with me..." doubting about it
You asked and I answered...To change your mind about me costed me 3 seconds of a conversation....
Before I felt slept i started to think about him....about the voice behind the phone...about my friends and people that never called and now they just wanna know about me , why?
I was very tired, i was sleeping at my bed... very calm ...so quite, finally some peace through the day... But 5 minutes later...my eyes wide open again...the cellphone started to ring...
you were breathing very hard and then you asked if I was with him..
I said..."Of course...but he's not with me..." doubting about it
You asked and I answered...To change your mind about me costed me 3 seconds of a conversation....
Before I felt slept i started to think about him....about the voice behind the phone...about my friends and people that never called and now they just wanna know about me , why?
Monday, February 18, 2008
The Second Craziest Thing that I do 4 YOU
!!!! I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOU !!!!
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From:
Date: 2008/2/18
Subject: Su reserva en SWISS.com
To: XXXXX@gmail.com
 |
| Confirmación de reserva |
| Su número de reserva es: QWERTY Presentando su carnet de identidad en el mostrador de embarque del lugar de salida del vuelo, recibirá directamente su tarjeta de embarque. |
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| (c) 2007 Swiss International Air Lines |  |
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Seeing life through a kaleidoscope...
I have recently found that I've made a big mistake.... I'm trying / fighting every day just to go out of this hole... Now, everything seems to be falling apart but something I've never loose is Hope...
One friend told me that humans always want to believe in something, a God, a feeling, a Force, I just want to believe that everything is going to be all right...Please, let it be like that.
At the end, the only thing that you can be clear about are your mistakes, and how you made them, finally the solution is to remake everything but in the right way... like to have one chance... Lucky me I have one... It's just the fear to go wrong again that wakes me up at night.... Please, don't let me fail... It seems imposible to reach what I want ... but Hope it's something I've never loose... and Love, that's something i'll never have by my side....The wind will come to take it away...again
One friend told me that humans always want to believe in something, a God, a feeling, a Force, I just want to believe that everything is going to be all right...Please, let it be like that.
At the end, the only thing that you can be clear about are your mistakes, and how you made them, finally the solution is to remake everything but in the right way... like to have one chance... Lucky me I have one... It's just the fear to go wrong again that wakes me up at night.... Please, don't let me fail... It seems imposible to reach what I want ... but Hope it's something I've never loose... and Love, that's something i'll never have by my side....The wind will come to take it away...again
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The day i started to admire my bo$$
Something very unusual happened today...
I worked like 12 hours, maybe more, but strangely that was not sufficient to make me feel capable to make a really good work,... what happened?
Maybe I compare too much... Actually it's pretty damm bad to compare depending with who...
Ok, i have to be clear about this point... I compare myself with my boss and i said "how come he can work like 10 hours in a row and only ask for a coffee?? and me!! I work like 10 hours and the next day i get to the work a little late :P" well...it make me feel a little bad....
I'm starting to respect him...
I'm starting admire him...
I'll get crazy the day I'll think "I wanna be like him :S", I really hope that day would never come...:$
I worked like 12 hours, maybe more, but strangely that was not sufficient to make me feel capable to make a really good work,... what happened?
Maybe I compare too much... Actually it's pretty damm bad to compare depending with who...
Ok, i have to be clear about this point... I compare myself with my boss and i said "how come he can work like 10 hours in a row and only ask for a coffee?? and me!! I work like 10 hours and the next day i get to the work a little late :P" well...it make me feel a little bad....
I'm starting to respect him...
I'm starting admire him...
I'll get crazy the day I'll think "I wanna be like him :S", I really hope that day would never come...:$
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Coincidences
Let's just write it in 10 minutes. It's 1.14 am!! So quick!
Today, my boyfriend went back home in Switzerland.
Exactly one year ago, i started a blog which i never used.
Exactly two years ago, i came to Spain to finish a carreer.
Today in the same metro i run into my ex first boss and now one of my best friends, here in Barcelona.
Today is my brother's birthday, he now is 19 years old...
Oh my god! it's 1.19...
Ok,...
Today i felt realized, but not exactly as 2 years ago, because, i now how i felt that time and i don't want to feel the same way again in my life!
Now, I have 4 minutes left...
Ok , i admit it...it was a normal day...nothing happened...except that I overreact with small things...but still, I'm happier today that i was 2 years ago.
I love and I'm loved..
I care and I'm cared...
I now and I'm known...
So after this, what will happend 2 years from now??
We'll see :))...
ok 1.24 am ;))) perfect!! and the time is perfect to take another cup of coffee :)
Today, my boyfriend went back home in Switzerland.
Exactly one year ago, i started a blog which i never used.
Exactly two years ago, i came to Spain to finish a carreer.
Today in the same metro i run into my ex first boss and now one of my best friends, here in Barcelona.
Today is my brother's birthday, he now is 19 years old...
Oh my god! it's 1.19...
Ok,...
Today i felt realized, but not exactly as 2 years ago, because, i now how i felt that time and i don't want to feel the same way again in my life!
Now, I have 4 minutes left...
Ok , i admit it...it was a normal day...nothing happened...except that I overreact with small things...but still, I'm happier today that i was 2 years ago.
I love and I'm loved..
I care and I'm cared...
I now and I'm known...
So after this, what will happend 2 years from now??
We'll see :))...
ok 1.24 am ;))) perfect!! and the time is perfect to take another cup of coffee :)
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